Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my poor anus
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
