Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
