someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
