the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize