we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Everyone says I win the strip club
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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