...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
