Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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