If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
