Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
