Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
