Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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