I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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