My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
