I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
