my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize