If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
