You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
