after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
