Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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