This girl is more easily done than said...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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