we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i've created a new STD.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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