apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
