just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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