..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
