I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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