please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
