i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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