He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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