I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
