Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
