i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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