Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
