you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
