I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
