trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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