Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
