Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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