I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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