So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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