you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
