Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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