4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
