Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
