You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
