I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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