hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
