Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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