Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
