I love black thongs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize