and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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