pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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