Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
