he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
