On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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