we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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