no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
