I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
