Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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