Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
