The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
