Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
