I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
