If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
