I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
